I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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