watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
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I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
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then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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