Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
