just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
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when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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