so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm too high and old for this...
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize