He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Two words: blizzard sex
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize