You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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