your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone came in the potted fern
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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