6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
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The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
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I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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