is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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