Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize