We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
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My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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