Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
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I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize