I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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