Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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