If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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