his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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