his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just invented taco cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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