Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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