Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
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all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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