oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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