I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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