how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize