Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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