Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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