You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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