And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
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its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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