2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
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His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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