Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
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it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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