So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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