If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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