I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize