Nicole vs. Life
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
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Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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