if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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