DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize