saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize