i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
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if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
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SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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