My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
this hospital has no fireball
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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