Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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