I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
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I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
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I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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