Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
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The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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