i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize