my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize