did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
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I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
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AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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