I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
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