sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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