you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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