I need help removing her.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
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You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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