the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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