Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize