I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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