great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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