I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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